Knowing and seeing that people care about you can make all the difference!
Being open and honest about your emotions frees you from some of their weight, and reaching out to others can help you form more intimate relationships. Admit to yourself and others how lonely you’re feeling.Now that you know you’re not alone in your loneliness, here are 5 practical tips you can use to alleviate your feelings of isolation: Using substances for reasons like these can create a dependence that leaks over into other parts of your day-to-day life. Substance abuse is, in particular, a common issue because many people feel that alcohol and/or “uppers” like cocaine or Crystal Meth give you the edge in social situations that allow you to interact more freely and with less inhibition. How do you learn to deal with these unhappy feelings? The importance of overcoming isolationįeelings of loneliness and isolation can lead to depression, anxiety, self-harm, substance abuse, and suicide, so it’s very important to make genuine connections as a gay man. LGBT spaces like clubs (and more recently, hookup apps like Grindr) are not designed for the creation of close relationships, leading many encounters you might have to be focused on the physical instead of the emotional.Īltogether, these factors mean that gay men-despite the chosen-family attitude of the LGBT community-often feel lonely and isolated. Many gay men belong to other groups that are discriminated against even within the gay community, magnifying your minority stress and contributing to negative body image. Trying to be emotionally detached-and succeeding, too-can cause psychological harm. Gay men can often buy into the negative aspects of masculinity. Some of the problem comes from the culture of gay men themselves. This is called “minority stress” and can be more harmful than many people give it credit for. No matter who you are, as a gay man you’ve experienced homophobia (whether active or passive) from family, friends, and/or the culture at large. You may have grown up feeling different and separated from the majority.Īfter you’re out of the closet, things don’t necessarily improve right away. Even before you came out to yourself, on some level you might have known you couldn’t fulfill expectations of a heterosexual life. The stress of not being out is emotional more than rational, but it takes its toll. Since everyone is assumed to be heterosexual, we all start out in the closet. Loneliness is, in some ways, part of the gay experience. Let’s explore how you can constructively deal with these feelings and share a life you’re excited to live! Why do gay men get lonely? Sometimes you might struggle with making connections at all, and other times you may feel “alone in a crowded room” because it’s so hard to forge true connections. Unfortunately, feelings of loneliness and isolation are really common in the gay community despite the focus on love and relationships. By Clinton Power, psychotherapist and Gay Therapy Center guest blogger